Facing Unexpected Conflicts with Grace

Families are diverse.  Family dynamics are palpable and can change over time. A variety of issues can develop as a family grows. This topic has become more relevant in my own life in the past months. It has been a journey characterizing different facets of growth as I face the changes that are happening in the dynamics of my family.

Abram’s Journey

Similarly, we see some of these aspects displayed in Abram’s life. God called and Abram answered. Abram left his hometown and all that was familiar. The Biblical account shares that Abram took his wife and his nephew Lot with him on his journeying. Lot’s life does not come into prominent view until a disagreement crops up with their respective herdsman.

Lot was an important part of the family culture.  Abram’s care for him was evident. However, there came a time when Lot had to choose a life for himself. 

When the dispute happened, Abram recognized that it could cause a rift in his family. Consequently, Abram chose to lay out a choice before Lot.  His love for Lot was such that He was willing to step away from his right to first choice of the land. Furthermore, Abram’s trust in God was enough to believe that whatever the choice, God was still in control.

Abram took steps to keep the peace and retain a close relationship with his kin. God has been teaching me, and is still teaching me the truths that I am going to share. I am by no means a finished product. In fact, even as I’ve outlined these maxims my heart is saying, “Ouch! Help me, Lord.” Let’s see what we can learn from Abram’s life and what distinctives we can apply to our own family dynamics.

Resolution for Conflicts

• Acknowledge that there is a problem. Problems cannot be fixed unless we recognize that they exist.  Ignoring the problem does not make it go away.  Ask God to give you understanding of what issues are causing conflict in your family.  You may be surprised what God shows you.
• Interact with understanding and humility. Relationships are more important than possessions. Abram recognized that family was to be paramount within life choices.  He presented the possible conflict that could happen if left unattended. Then Abram waived his rights to the best choice of land. (Genesis 13:8-9)  Abram did not assume he knew what was best for Lot.  He did not impose his own assumptions on Lot’s choice. Seek God’s timing and wisdom when preparing for an interaction with possible conflict. Then be prepared to listen, without judgment, to the other person’s point of view.
• Accept the choice with grace. Humility and unconditional love go a long way in keeping relationships intact. Abram’s gracious acceptance paved the way for future heartfelt association.  Despite it looking like Abram had been “had” he accepted what was and sent Lot away with admirable grace and love. (Genesis 13:10-12)
• Walk forward with trust. When change occurs, trust that God still has a plan.  Family dynamics changed when Lot left.  This can lead to despondency when not kept in perspective.  After Lot left, God stepped in with reassurance for Abram. (Genesis 13:14-16) This complication did not annul God’s promise. On the other hand, it highlighted God’s capacity.
• Build an Altar. Surrender to God’s master plan for your life. As we walk with God through the twists and turns of life, our faith grows more stable. Abram’s journey, thus far, had reaped the benefits of a closer walk with God, because of the difficulties that he faced.  He achieved a faith characterized by stability because of his reaction of surrender and worship when faced with obstacles. When we choose to worship God in the middle of our disappointments and hardships our faith is strengthened.

Giving Grace in the Process

Family issues can become a source of heartache.  All too often we jump in with thoughtless abandon and make matters worse. In fact, that’s been me too frequently of late. I’m thankful for God’s faithfulness in teaching me how to walk through the landmines of conflict and change. It’s been a process of learning from my failures. An important learning tool is to understand that when we faceplant, so to speak, we get back up and try again, hopefully implementing what God has taught us.

Take time to study the life of Abram and how his faith journey was strengthened by the conflicts he faced in his interpersonal relationships. Realize that we are all a work in progress and give grace to others, as well as yourself when confronted with unexpected challenges.

Families will change and grow. We must keep close to the Source of wisdom as we journey through our family relationships. When facing conflicts remember that there is hope for resolution when solved in God’s way.

What issue do you fear will cause a rift in your family? How can you bring about a peaceful resolution to the situation?  Have you sought God’s wisdom and understanding?

Heavenly Father, thank you for understanding the conflicts and complications that we face in life.  Help us to receive your wisdom before we venture into an altercation. Remind us that you have the ability to work out the situation without it being “our way.”  Bring about peace that will strengthen our family ties. As we walk forward in trust keep us anchored in our worship of You and surrendered to your plan for our lives.