Trouble had mounted, prayers went unanswered and wounds pierced my heart. All these paved the way for the doubts that came in like a flood. There seemingly was no light at the end of the tunnel. The trials of life had swollen shut my spiritual eyes and I could only see the desolate terrain in front of me. My mind whirled with doubts and questions. ‘If there really was a God, why didn’t He show up ?’ ‘How could I trust a God who did not hear my crying heart?’
These questions and more began to run on repeat and soon I spiraled into the darkness of doubt. The pit was dark and deep. The devil taunted me over and over with the thought that there really wasn’t a God. Dark days of struggle followed. I was bowed in anguish as I fought against the darkness that enveloped me.
In the Darkness
In that darkness, God showed up. It wasn’t with fireworks and flare that God came. On the other hand, it was pin pricks of light in the darkness. These pin pricks of light came as a scripture of hope that would find a place to lodge in my heart, a phone call that came just at the right time or a check in the mail that provided for a need. Little things that helped open my eyes to who God is and recognize the fact that he had indeed heard my crying heart.
God’s Goodness Revealed
Moses’ life was upended when after an encounter with God, he came down the mountain to face the peoples’ rebellion and disobedience. It shook up his life. He was bowed under the heaviness of the load he carried. As he sought God after this occasion, he pleaded for God’s presence to go with them. Moses also asked that He might understand God’s ways more fully and that God’s presence might be seen.
At this juncture in Moses’ life things had not been going according to plan and he recognized that without God the darkness of life would close in on him. As Moses’ sought for God presence, God answered with a startling plan. A plan to let his goodness pass before Moses. God wanted to share another aspect of his character with Moses. (Exodus 33:19)
This plan was put into action. Moses climbed the mount again, and as he stood in the cleft of a rock, God descended in a cloud and stood with him. I can imagine the mountain trembled as God proclaimed to Moses who he was.
“And the LORD passed by before him, and proclaimed, The LORD, The LORD God, merciful and gracious, longsuffering, and abundant in goodness and truth.”
Exodus 34:6
God Still Shows Up Today
When God showed up, Moses bowed down and worshipped. (Exodus 34:8) This was a life-changing event for Moses that still is being used today to form our understanding of God’s character. In fact, David mentions this fact of God making himself known to Moses in Psalm 103.
God proclaimed Himself to be the LORD God. The One who was all powerful. The One who was Sovereign. Furthermore, God also proclaimed Himself as a God of mercy and grace. And abundant in goodness and truth. His unfailing love and faithfulness is an anchor to stay your soul on.
God is still showing up today. He unfurls his goodness for those who have eyes to see. In the dark times when we cannot see our way forward, we can go back to the Word and glimpse the character of God that he has proclaimed over and over again to his people. Then with a decisive choice we must tether ourselves, our circumstances, our feelings, and everything seen or unseen to God.
When we feel like God is nowhere to be found, we must choose to trust the facts. He has promised never to leave us nor forsake us. (Hebrews 13:5) When supply is scarce and the future uncertain seek the One who is the Supply and reigns over the present and the future.
And so began my ascent out of the pit of doubt. It began with a tentative step of faith that God honored. A choice to place my situation in God’s hands, despite the outlook. I had to choose to trust God to be God. My life and all its circumstances had to be anchored in the character of who God was instead of in my hardships and struggles.
Knowing God Equals Trusting God
Get to know who God is. He proclaims his goodness to those who seek him. For me it wasn’t a broad view of God’s glory, as it was for Moses, but with a sure hand and an unreserved faithfulness, God made himself known in small ways until my view of who God is expanded. The years have passed since those dark days of doubt, but as I look back it was in those times I found for myself that God was a God to be trusted. Abandonment of his children is not in his vocabulary. God is faithful to make himself known to those who seek him. When we know God, we can trust God.
As Moses traveled onward in his wilderness trek he tasted the mercy of God in the quail blown in from the sea. When provisions were scarce God’s faithfulness was shown through morning manna. The goodness of God quenched thirst through water from the rock. Furthermore, God’s longsuffering was manifested in shoes that did not wear out. Most of all, God’s promised presence went with them.
When God Shows up
As I continue on in my spiritual journey, I must intentionally choose to trust in the darkness. Moreover, I must recognize God’s goodness in the midst of difficulty. It is not in a trouble free life that God’s glory is manifested. It is when we recognize that we need God to make it through this life that God shows up. I find that it is when I am depleted and scarcity seems sure that God reveals Himself. Maybe not in the way I would think, but when I specifically look for God’s hand, I find his mercy and goodness running through the dark clouds of my circumstances.
Dear friend, if you are shuffling through a dry wilderness or slogging through treacherous waters you can trust the God who shows up. As we are bowed beneath the circumstances of life, bow to worship the Sovereign God. Worship the God who shows up in our wilderness wanderings and in our fiery trials. Intentionally look for the goodness of God coming after you in the midst of your difficulties and know that his Presence goes with you.
The song The Goodness of God has ministered to me over and over again. At one point in my life, I didn’t feel that God’s goodness was there. I couldn’t say with conviction ‘God shows up in my life.’ My eyes had been blinded by my doubts. It was when I stepped out in faith to trust what I could not see that my eyes were opened to the goodness of God. He was there all the time, and He will be there for you.
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